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| "Reflection," summer 2016 |
Sometimes, when you paint a picture (or write, compose, dance, etc), the art will reveal to you what it is that needs to be addressed.
In August, I tried to paint a picture of a woman (myself) holding a mirror to her face. Instead, I ended up with the piece pictured above: a self-portrait that accurately depicts the turmoil I was going through at that time. I could never have planned this, not even if I tried. It was the first time I realized that if you let go and listen to your instincts your art might have something important to tell you.
At first, this painting deeply upset me. I found it creepy and disturbing. Was that really me? I took a single photo of it and hid it upside down under a stack of used canvas boards. In typical dramatic fashion, I swore to myself that I would never look at it again, but keep it forever as a reminder of this time in my life.
It sat at the bottom of that pile for a good two months. Eventually, I moved all my art, and it went along with the rest of the paintings. It currently lives at a friends house on loan until I can figure out what I want to do with it.
See, I've only recently warmed up to it; because, as of late, I have realized that while it's uncomfortable to confront the ugliness and pain that lives inside us, it's healthier than living in denial, depression, or anger. I've spent a lot of time blaming external forces for my unhappiness. It was this person, it was that person, if only this situation were different....if only these things could change. I thought that if the things around me changed I would be fine, and I wouldn't have to change anything about myself.
But that's all nonsense. We are the only ones to blame for our own unhappiness and discontent with life. We need to, as individuals, take responsibility for our own actions and thoughts, and how they effect the world we live in. This painting is a strong reminder to me that the true ugliness in our lives comes from within. Only when we recognize that can we start toward a path of healing, forgiveness, and personal growth.
In August, I tried to paint a picture of a woman (myself) holding a mirror to her face. Instead, I ended up with the piece pictured above: a self-portrait that accurately depicts the turmoil I was going through at that time. I could never have planned this, not even if I tried. It was the first time I realized that if you let go and listen to your instincts your art might have something important to tell you.
At first, this painting deeply upset me. I found it creepy and disturbing. Was that really me? I took a single photo of it and hid it upside down under a stack of used canvas boards. In typical dramatic fashion, I swore to myself that I would never look at it again, but keep it forever as a reminder of this time in my life.
It sat at the bottom of that pile for a good two months. Eventually, I moved all my art, and it went along with the rest of the paintings. It currently lives at a friends house on loan until I can figure out what I want to do with it.
See, I've only recently warmed up to it; because, as of late, I have realized that while it's uncomfortable to confront the ugliness and pain that lives inside us, it's healthier than living in denial, depression, or anger. I've spent a lot of time blaming external forces for my unhappiness. It was this person, it was that person, if only this situation were different....if only these things could change. I thought that if the things around me changed I would be fine, and I wouldn't have to change anything about myself.
But that's all nonsense. We are the only ones to blame for our own unhappiness and discontent with life. We need to, as individuals, take responsibility for our own actions and thoughts, and how they effect the world we live in. This painting is a strong reminder to me that the true ugliness in our lives comes from within. Only when we recognize that can we start toward a path of healing, forgiveness, and personal growth.
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